Can Being Too Nice Make You Sick?

7 Takeaways from When the Body Says No by Dr. Gabor Maté

The inability to say “no” is a recurring theme in Maté’s case studies.

We don’t usually link people-pleasing, emotional suppression, or over-giving to disease. But Dr. Gabor Maté challenges that disconnect in his powerful book When the Body Says No: Exploring the Stress-Disease Connection.

His argument is simple but profound: chronic stress, especially when unacknowledged, has real physiological consequences. It doesn’t just live in your mind—it lives in your body.

Here are seven key takeaways that may change how you think about health, stress, and emotional boundaries.

1. Chronic Stress Can Manifest as Chronic Illness

This isn’t a metaphor. Chronic stress has a direct impact on the immune system, hormones, and inflammation levels. Over time, this can contribute to serious conditions like autoimmune disease, cancer, IBS, and more. Your body may start to carry what your voice doesn’t express.

2. “Nice” Isn’t Always Healthy

Many people who develop chronic illnesses have one thing in common: they’ve been conditioned to be excessively “nice.” They avoid conflict, suppress anger, and take care of others at the expense of themselves. What looks like kindness on the outside can be a form of emotional self-abandonment.

3. Stress Is Not What Happens to You—It’s What Happens Inside You

Two people can experience the same external event but have vastly different internal reactions. Stress becomes dangerous when you feel powerless to respond or feel you have to suppress your true reactions—especially repeatedly, over time.

4. Childhood Coping Patterns Resurface in the Body

Many of us learned early on that expressing certain emotions—like anger, sadness, or even excitement—was unsafe or unwelcome. Those coping strategies don’t just disappear. They evolve and embed themselves into our adult behavior, often at the cost of our physical health.

5. Suppression Doesn’t Equal Strength

We often mistake emotional suppression for resilience. But hiding how we feel doesn’t mean we’ve processed it—it just means it’s gone underground. And what we suppress emotionally, the body may eventually express physically.

6. Boundaries Are More Than a Buzzword—They’re Medicine

The inability to say “no” is a recurring theme in Maté’s case studies. Learning to set boundaries isn’t selfish. It’s a basic requirement for emotional safety and physical health. Every time you override your limits, your body keeps score.

7. This Isn’t About Blame—It’s About Awareness

Maté is clear: this isn’t about blaming people for their illnesses. It’s about recognizing the deep, often invisible connections between emotional experience and physical health. Once we see the pattern, we have the power to interrupt it.

Final Thought

“The first step toward healing,” Maté writes, “is understanding the truth of our lives.” That means tuning in to what we feel, what we’ve been taught to silence, and how we care for ourselves—not just externally, but emotionally.

If you’ve ever felt like your body was trying to tell you something you couldn’t quite name, When the Body Says No might give you the language—and permission—you need to listen.

Was this helpful? Share this post with someone who needs to hear it, or leave a comment with your thoughts. Have you noticed a connection between stress and your body? Let’s talk about it.

Want to uncover what your physical symptoms may be revealing to you about specific emotions wounds that still need healing? Download my free guide here "What Is Your Body Communicating?"

Breaking the Cycle: Why You Repeat Dysfunctional Relationship Patterns

Have you ever found yourself in yet another dysfunctional relationship, wondering how you ended up in the same situation again? You're not alone. This phenomenon is surprisingly common and has deep psychological roots. Let's explore why this happens and how you can finally break free from these harmful patterns.

What Is Repetition Compulsion?

In psychology, we call this pattern "repetition compulsion." It's essentially doing the same things repeatedly while hoping for different results (which some would call the definition of "insanity"). The key difference is that repetition compulsion happens subconsciously—we don't deliberately choose to repeat these patterns, but something within us compels us to do so.

The driving force behind this behavior is often unhealed pain from our past. These wounds stay with us, influencing our choices in ways we don't even recognize.

The Personal Connection to Our Patterns

I can personally attest to falling into these cycles. Looking back at my relationships, I notice a consistent pattern: I was always trying to "fix" partners who carried heavy emotional burdens and unhealed trauma.

This wasn't random. It was my subconscious attempt to heal my younger self by "fixing" my father, who carried similar burdens throughout my childhood. By understanding this connection, I began to see why I kept choosing partners who needed "saving."

Why We Repeat Harmful Relationships

The specific pattern varies for everyone:

• You might repeatedly date alcoholics

• Perhaps you're drawn to verbally abusive partners

• Maybe you consistently find yourself as "the other woman" rather than the priority

Whatever your pattern, the root cause is typically the same: unhealed wounds from your past that continue to drive your current behavior.

How to Break the Cycle and Heal

Breaking free requires addressing these unhealed aspects from your past. Here's what works:

1. Go Beyond Talk Therapy

While traditional talk therapy has its place, many clients tell me they've been in therapy for years without resolving these patterns. That's because talking about behaviors only addresses the tip of the iceberg.

2. Take a Somatic Approach

The key insight is that "issues are in your tissues." Trauma and emotional wounds are literally stored in your body. This means healing requires physiological, somatic work that engages your subconscious and works with the science of emotions.

3. Have Compassion for Yourself

When clients beat themselves up for falling back into old patterns, I remind them to slow down and practice self-compassion. This repetition is part of human wiring—understanding this helps reduce shame and creates space for real healing.

4. Find the Right Support

If traditional therapy isn't helping, seek practitioners who understand how to work with the body and subconscious to release deeply held patterns. The right support makes all the difference.

The Transformation That's Possible

The results of this deeper healing work can be remarkable. Many clients discover an inner strength they didn't know they had. They notice changes in their posture, body language, and communication patterns. They find themselves attracted to—and attracting—completely different types of partners.

As one client put it: "I don't even recognize myself anymore, yet I finally feel like the person I've always wanted to be."

Your Journey to Healthier Relationships

Breaking the cycle of dysfunctional relationships isn't about trying harder or making better conscious choices. It's about healing the deeper wounds that are driving your behavior in the first place.

Have you experienced similar patterns in your relationships? What has helped you break free? Share your experiences in the comments—I'd love to hear what roadblocks you've faced and what strategies have worked for you in creating healthier relationships.

This post is based on psychological principles and personal experience. If you're currently in an abusive relationship, please reach out to appropriate support services in your area.

Watch "Break the Cycle of TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS! (A Therapist's Perspective)": https://youtu.be/r2ExV82eSkE?si=KoA6laNCHUtWQzmg

The Gallbladder-Indecision Connection: 3 Powerful Tools for Clarity and Confidence

Do you find yourself constantly vacillating between options, unable to make decisions with confidence and clarity? This common struggle might have a surprising source: your gallbladder.

As a licensed clinical counselor with over 20 years in the holistic wellness field, I've observed a fascinating connection between gallbladder health and decision-making abilities. In this article, I'll share three effective tools to support your gallbladder, enhance your emotional well-being, and help you make decisions with greater confidence.

Understanding the Gallbladder-Emotion Connection

Before diving into solutions, it's important to understand the relationship between your gallbladder and certain emotions. In traditional Chinese medicine, the gallbladder is closely linked to:

• Frustration

• Resentment

• Anger (including the emotion called "galled," which originates from the gallbladder)

• Bitterness

• Indecisiveness

When these emotions remain unresolved, they can create energetic blockages that manifest as physical symptoms and decision-making difficulties.

Physical Signs of Gallbladder Imbalance

An unhappy gallbladder often signals its distress through various physical symptoms:

• Jaw pain

• Neck tension

• Tension headaches

• Nausea

• Gallbladder issues

• Suppressed anger or resentment

If you're experiencing these symptoms alongside decision-making challenges, the following tools may provide significant relief.

Tool #1: Activate Gallbladder 34 - "The Decision Maker Point"

In Chinese medicine, there's a powerful acupressure point called Gallbladder 34, also known as "the decision maker point." Regular stimulation of this point can help release stagnant energy and improve your decision-making capacity.

How to locate and stimulate GB-34:

1. Find the top of the outside of your knee

2. Move down about an inch

3. Press firmly into this point (be gentle if tender)

4. Massage for 30-60 seconds while taking slow, deep breaths

5. Repeat on the opposite side

This simple practice helps release stagnant energy running through the gallbladder meridian, freeing up your energy flow and supporting clearer thinking.

Tool #2: Incorporate Gallbladder-Supporting Foods

Your diet plays a crucial role in supporting gallbladder function. Include these gallbladder-friendly foods regularly:

Bitter greens and leafy vegetables:

• Dandelion greens

• Arugula

• Kale

• Swiss chard

• Mustard greens

Cruciferous vegetables:

• Cauliflower

• Broccoli

• Brussels sprouts

• Cabbage

Healthy fats (in moderation):

• Avocado

• Walnuts

• Wild salmon

• Extra virgin olive oil

• Coconut oil

Fruits high in pectin and citrus:

• Green apples (especially beneficial as they contain pectin that supports gallbladder function)

• Lemons

• Limes

• Oranges

Simple daily habit: Drink warm water with lemon to support gallbladder health.

Tool #3: Release Unresolved Emotions

Perhaps the most powerful approach for long-term gallbladder health and improved decision-making is addressing the root emotional causes. Unlike traditional talk therapy, which can sometimes leave emotions recycling in the body, physiological emotional release techniques help "get the issues out of the tissues."

When emotions remain stuck in the body, they continue to be retriggered, keeping you in a cycle of indecision and frustration. True emotional healing requires releasing these emotions at the physiological level.

The Pulse Points Stress Tool is an effective technique for both adults and children that helps release emotions physically rather than just processing them mentally. This approach acknowledges that emotions are physiological experiences that need physical release. Download this tool here: https://stan.store/healthyholistics

Benefits of Supporting Your Gallbladder

When you release stagnant energy from your gallbladder meridian and address unresolved emotions, you can experience:

• Enhanced decision-making clarity

• Increased confidence in your choices

• Freedom from the cycle of indecision

• Reduced stress and tension

• Improved digestive function

• Clear-mindedness

• Relief from physical symptoms

Imagine waking up feeling decisive, confident, and tension-free instead of stuck and uncertain.

Taking Your Healing Journey Further

If you're interested in learning more about the mind-body connection in Chinese medicine and how specific emotions correlate with different organs, glands, and physical symptoms, there are additional resources available to deepen your understanding.

The connection between your emotional and physical health is powerful. By supporting your gallbladder through these three tools—acupressure, dietary changes, and emotional release—you can transform your decision-making abilities and experience greater confidence and clarity in all areas of your life.

Remember, you don't have to stay stuck in cycles of indecision and stress. With the right approach, you can free your gallbladder energy and reclaim your decisive power.

Watch "Can't Make Decisions? Fix Your Gallbladder | 3 Natural Solutions": https://youtu.be/pZgsIQt9SzI?si=iTjlu_NMHHEXd6hV

Have you noticed a connection between your emotions and physical symptoms? Share your experiences in the comments below!